just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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