i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
