In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
