I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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