I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You ruined the universe
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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