Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
