We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
