At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
