I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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