Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
