i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
