i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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