I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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