there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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