this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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