dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never underestimate the power of titties
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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