Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
