batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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