we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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