I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
