Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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