im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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