MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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