Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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