carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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