I love black thongs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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