i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
