I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize