We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
