My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
