weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
