ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
