Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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