I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
