Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
