i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
