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I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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