so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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