What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
