What a fucking waste of an outfit
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
