I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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