He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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