I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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