saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
