i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
