I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
