you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm like, not good at living.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
