My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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