I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was like eating out sand paper
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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