i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
