mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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