K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
