i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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