Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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