So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
