The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
