after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
