Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
