how can u be prego again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
