i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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