can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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