The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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