In the future we'll all be gay
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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