Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
