I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
