im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
